How Lime Was My -Rita (And How Straw-Ber- It Was, Too)

Dear gentle readers: A fair warning to those of you who read my blog posts to children: I used some naughty language in this one. But don't worry, I think they can handle it.

I apologize to the good folks at Lagunitas for accidentally
leaving that bottle cap in the picture with this abomination,
and especially to the fine folks at Brasserie Dupont for using their glass.
I'm so sorry!

Budweiser. The King of Beers. Lord over us all. Or so it might seem. They began their life duplicitously, usurping the name of a famous Bohemian brew, then inverting their slogan (Budweis de Budvar, the Beer of Kings.) Most of us in the craft beer world have outgrown the shadow of Budweiser (personally, I've never liked anything they ever made) and try to maintain our own unique world away from their influence. It's hard to do, though, when they encroach on our territory. When they bought out Goose Island a few years back, there were some lines drawn by many. I still try their beers once in a while, but I'm a bit ambivalent. I talked about this a bit in one of my recent GI reviews.

Well, though we try to ignore the giant brewer from St. Louis, MO, it's hard to do so when they include us, that minor craft brewing segment,  in their incessant gobbling up of the market. Months ago, they purchased 10 Barrel Brewing of Oregon, a small brewery that is no threat to anyone, and earlier this week, we learned that they purchased another small Oregon brewery, the much respected Elysian Brewing. This is a company so concerned with money that they didn't blink for a minute before deciding to let themselves be purchased by the biggest brewing giant in the world, InBev, because more money is better than just a ton of money.

And, though I care not for football, or that bowl most super, the big boys from Missouri need to put out ads on the Superior Sunday, and some of these cannot escape my attention, no matter how hard I try. This year, not just a boast about their horses, or their lizards, their whazzup bros, or their super party animal whose name is Spuds McKenzie, but a rail against beers that aren't Budweiser. And those awful Pumpkin Peach ales. Wait, who actually made a Pumpkin Peach ale? Why, Elysian Brewing, the brewery they just purchased. Threatened enough by the craft beer revolution to buy them out, and then mock their efforts at the next turn.

Well, here's the thing. Craft beer is not going away, and Budweiser is not going to be a nail in it's coffin. too many of us have said no to them. Not gonna happen.

Any why not use this occasion to dip into Bud Light Lime Lime-a Rita. And Bud Light Lime Straw-ber-Rita. I can think of no reason why not.

Why do I have these? Because, well, I have a large family. Larger than you might imagine. If you imagine more than the truth, well, I think you're just showing off. Anyway, there are certain segments of my family that won't become a part of the craft beer revolution, and it's not up to me to change them. They'll always like the Budweiser, and sometimes they really dig on the Bud Light Lime Lime-a-Rita. So, I grabbed a couple cans at Christmas, so I could figure this crap out. Maybe. Or, maybe not. In any case, I'm strapping in and checking them out. Wish me luck.

So, Bud Light Lime Lime-a-Rita, Margarita with a Twist, Malt Beverage with natural flavors and caramel colors added. Contains alcohol. 8% alc. by vol. Anheuser-Busch, St. Louis, MO. Also: "flavored ale". Since when was Bud Light an "ale"?

Also, it says: TRY IT OVER ICE! Well, I'm going to try it both ways. First without, then with…clouded, lime yellow, no head, abundant carbonation…aroma: margarita, lime and ..not tequila…lime and lime, and maybe lemon….let's drink: ehhhh. uh. yeough. not good. Well, somebody likes it. Let's try it with ice, now…Ah, yeah!!! It's like a margarita, in a can! And yet it's a flavored ale, that's 8% ABV? Yeah, I feel it now…wooo! Partay!!!! Yum! It'sa Margaritainacan!!! YEAH!!!!!! (……..I am so drunk………)


Wait, there's one more, right? Yes. Straw-ber-Rita, Margarita with a Twist, malt beverage with natural flavors, artificial sweeteners, and artificial colors. Sounds great! Same details as the LIME-a-RITA.

I'm also sorry for using the Northgate coaster to
place this atrocity upon. Forgive me, Northgate
Brewing Company!

It's red and it's pink and…eh. Aroma: Ah. Artificial sweeteners, artificial everything. Kool-Aid? You like Kool-Aid? It's like drinking Kool-Aid, with booze. Straw-berry Kool-Aid. You like that? Man, you go for it, dude. Or dude-ette. I can't apply any of the criteria of typical beer judging or tasting with this awfulness. Oh, wait, they make beer not to be fussed over, right? No, they make beer to be ashamed of. There's a hole in my soul, now. Thanks, Anheuser-Busch, thanks a whole fucking lot, you bunch of assholes. Now I have a hole in my soul to match the emptiness in yours.



What can I say? Im left empty, souless, and bereft. Just the way they want me.

Finally, I'd like to apologize to the Surly Brewing Company
for accidentally leaving my Surly cap on the floor and in the same
 picture of this misbegotten monstrosity.
Also, I don't know why I crushed the can before taking the photo.
Oh, who am I kidding, of course I do.