Hard Seltzers Ahoy! Bauhaus Lime & Dragonfruit + Fulton Hopped

And apology before I begin to my celiac friends who have a legitimate need for these products when requiring alcoholic refreshment:)

Hard Seltzers! Bauhaus Lime & Dragonfruit + Fulton Hopped!

It's time to drink some hard seltzers, yeah! Oh, whoa-o-o-o-o-yeah! Sham-a-lam-a-ding-dong, baby, yeah! All right! Wooo!

And so we shall.

Let's do Bauhaus Bolo Lime first, oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah, baby, yeah!

(Okay, I have to do something to keep my enthusiasm up.)

Watery. Seltzer-y. some lime. Light alcoholic water and you can drink it. Ho meets hum. Blah, blah, blah. I want to like it, but...how? Well, it's limey, in it's fashion, I'll give it that.

And now I shall drink a hard seltzer from Fulton called Hopped! #havemorefun. Minn Made.
Citrusy nose. Nice. Lemony/limey flavor. Nice blast of bitterness. Hey, this one's hoppy! Yeah, hoppy seltzer hard water...yum. Mmm. Yum, a dum, dum. It's hops and it's water and it's booze. yum, I said, a dum, dum.

But, ...ah, I get it. You don't want the carbs, just the booze. You want some flavor, not most, not more, not best. Ah, well. Cheers, my friend.

I was supposed to do Bauhaus Bolo Dragonfruit next, but I was all hard seltzer-ed out, so I retired for the evening and did the tasting the next day. And I attempted notes, but what more was there to say. Instead of lime, or hops, it tasted vaguely like dragonfruit. Which I like. In real-life. But, there was nothing else to say. So, let's just say that I said it already. Go get them, if they're you're thing, but I think I'm done.

No more hard seltzer reviewing for me.

Hurray!

Bauhaus Bolo Cherry Hard Seltzer

Bauhaus Bolo Cherry Hard Seltzer. 5 % ABV.
Bauhaus BrewLabs, Minneapolis, MN.

So. Another local brewery is doing a "hard seltzer", and I have one, and I'm drinking it.

Clear, no color, no head.

In the nose: sweet, fruity, raspberry, cherry, etcetera. Sure.

In the mouth: Sweet, dry. Light. Slightly boozy. That's it. Not too anything, this one. "Hard Water." Cherry-flavoring. Ho-hum. If you like this stuff, go for it. Good for you. As for me...boring. Blah. Whatevs.

I've said this before, I will review everything that finds it's way in my fridge and is remotely beer adjacent. That means sometimes there will be reviews like this. There may be more in the future. If they're not to your liking, don't be dismayed for there will be another more up your alley just around the bend.

Fulton Hard Seltzers: Berry, Lemon Lime, Grapefruit and Blood Orange

Fulton Hard Seltzers.

Fulton has Hard Seltzers. Four of them. And I'm drinking them. They're all 5% ABV and they're alcoholic carbonated water with fruit flavors added. And that's a thing that people do today.

The first I'm trying is Lemon Lime. It tastes like lemon and  lime. It's carbonated and alcoholic. Like water + booze + fruit flavor. End of story.

And look here, it's a Berry! It's Berry...and...straw....rasp....black...all the berries. It's the berries!

Next: Grapefruit. It's grapefruit. But not much. Some. But, eh, who cares. There's a hint of flavor, but maybe a hint is enough, in this case. hell, I don't know. People will swallow any of this shit, apparently. It's....not great.

On to Number 4: Best of the bunch, apparently. Blood Orange. Everything is better with blood orange in it. And this has plenty. Mmm, bloody and orangey and so much more! Well, not much more. But Blood Orange makes everything alright. Right?

What's my assessment in the end? Huh. I dunno. I can't tell a good hard seltzer from a bad one. Can there be a bad one? What makes a good one good? What level of cicerone do you have to be to know this stuff? I'm stumped.

All I know is that they are not intended for yours, truly, that is a fact. I like beer. It makes me a jolly good fellow. These just get me drunk. They don't necessarily make me happy.

Lift Bridge Hard Seltzers (Hard Seltzers?!? What?)

Lift Bridge Hard Seltzers.

These are the days when a brewery has to make more than beer to get by. Or so they tell us. And the latest thing is these hard seltzers. Fortified waters. Or Hard Water Brewed Seltzer, as Fair State calls theirs. Fulton, too, has gotten in the act, and I actually have some of Lift Bridge's.

The only hard seltzer I've had recently was a sample of Smirnoff's pineapple version. It was exactly what I thought it would be. Can't remember if I've ever tried a White Claw. Enough of this blather, let's try them out. They're all 5 % ABV, and 120 calories. 12 ounce cans. And gluten free.

We'll start with St. Croix Berries. Naturally flavored. Blackberry, raspberry & strawberry. It's sparkling. Highly carbonated. And the berries are there. Light bodied. It's fruity, then it's water, and it's also booze. Okay, then.

We move on next to Voyageurs Citrus. Refreshing lemon, lime, grapefruit, & orange. Just like a can of Sprite, with a little extra citrus flavor, little more orange, etc.

Thirdly and lastly, Northwoods Juice Box. Crisp cranberry and juicy apple. And it's more apple than cranberry, and not especially juicy. But, the flavor is there, in some supply.

I pondered long and hard and stroked my chin til the whiskers fell out trying to understand this new popular drink trend. See people buying cases of it at the stores. What's the deal? Calorie conscious partiers who'd really like a vodka soda but can't be bothered to get up and fix one. And those people need to have their needs met.

Last night, I ran out of beers in the fridge that I hadn't yet reviewed. But wait: because I tell the beer reps that I'll try anything, I had more hard seltzers awaiting their trial, 2 from Truly and a White Claw Black Cherry. And I drank all three, and they got me drunk without worrying about taste or complexity or nuance, or nothing. And it did the trick.

But, I'll never choose one on purpose.

Unless Fair State or Fulton send me samples. Then, it's time for close examinations again. Close as I can get, anyway.