Miller Genuine Draft

Ten years ago, I still had a little bit of crap on tap. Thought I needed it, had to have it, etc. This was then, now it's now. So, one day, just to do the review, I sat down with a glass of MGD poured from the tap and wrote the following notes. Today, I have one from a bottle, and don't give me any guff about the Saison Dupont glass used to hold this excrement, it was handy, and I don't have any Miller glassware around, o woe is me.

So, without further ado, while I struggle through this bottle, here are notes from April of 2003, on Miller Genuine Draft:


I've spent more time in the company of this beer than I'm comfortable with, but not by drinking it, no, through serving to the customers at my bar. Happily, it's the only macro-crap I've got on tap, but it's exceedingly popular among those masses that I haven't the time or power to change their minds. In the name of research, curiosity, or maybe sadomasochism I venture forth to review a small sampling of this wretched brew.

Color: very pale yellow,nearly invisible, the very match of urine. Head: tall, fluffy, pure snow white.

Aroma: zilch, zero, zip. I flared my nosrtils deep to try to detect something or anything but came up bone-dry, with maybe a touch of soap and flowers.

Mouthfeel is a rough and harsh terrain, with a grainy sweetness to be traversed in every sip. A horrid brashness exists in every attempt to gulp and it leaves a non-existent finish, as if the offending liquid wished no memory to remain of it's brief stay in the mouth. It passes through quickly, leaving not a trace, but only bad memories. The perfect beer for those who don't give a damn what goes down their gullet. No hops are felt, no malt, no body, no texture.

That's when I got it. I'd gone about it all wrong! Every time I tried to taste this sad excuse for a beer, I winced and pulled away, embittered and beated aback, every time this swill passed through my lips. When I merely gulped back and stopped thinking, however, there was no problem, no sirree, bob!
I wonder how people drink this stuff, then I realize that they've been hoodwinked!
Somehow, they've been convinced that this foul concoction is actual beer and the Miller Brewing Co. is happy to provide.
Lord save us all...