Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Maple Bacon Ale

Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Bacon Maple Ale Ale Brewed with Natural Flavors.  "Dedicated to Tres & Cat Daddy, The Rogues of Voodoo Doughnuts, Brewed and Bottled by Rogue Ales, Newport, OR, 97365. 13 Ingredients: Briess Cherrywood Smoked malt, Weyermann Beechwood Smoked Malt, house-smoked hickory malt, Great Western 2 Row, Munich, C15, C75 malts, Applewood-smoked bacon, Pure maple flavoring, Rouge micro hopyard revolution & independent hops, free range coastal water, & pacman yeast, no chemicals, preservatives, or additives."
More about the plato, IBU, Lovibond, and AA, whatever that is, but I can't find the ABV. Where is it? I can't find it.

So.
This came out months ago, and people freaked, my friends gobbled it up, posted pictures on Facebook.com, etcetera…and I just couldn't bring myself to buy one. Why? 1. the cost, especially versus my doubts about the beer. (I paid $11.99 for this one.) 2. I like smoked beers, but maple and bacon? Do I really want to drink a doughnut? Is that what I'm looking for in a beer? 3. The bottle looks like Pepto Bismol. Not comforting. Also, I'm worried about ingesting sprinkles. (It's a doughnut beer, it should have sprinkles, right?)

But I regretted not trying this unique concoction, after all, it is necessary and important for me to try everything…everything, no matter how much the color of the bottle makes me think of upset stomach. And I found a bottle, and now I'm drinking one. Or, about to, anyway...

And now I'm wishing I had a Homer Simpson pint glass, it seems a natural choice. I'll just reach into the cabinet and find what I can find. …Nope, nothing with a pig on it, oh, well…

Hazy, crimson appearance, under a lush, looming, booming, slightly off-white head, sparkling and lace-leaving.

Aroma: screams out from first pour, the maple and the bacon, together as one. Let's go in further…Smoke hits first, and you can feel the fire below, plenty of char above the maple and bacon, like walking into a freshly burned building. I think I liked it better before I went in for a closer sniff.

Taste: Big, fresh smoked malt right away, matched with mild hoppiness, and then in roars the maple, then the bacon. Malt is lighter than I imagined. Did I expect a porter? Perhaps I anticipated a breadier mouthfeel, for a more "doughnutty" taste?
Maybe because I've never had a Voodoo Maple Bacon Doughnut, I can't compare this against it's true inspiration?

Somewhat thinnish mouthfeel, uninspiring flavor, beyond the gimmicky additions. Doesn't make me think of a doughnut in the least.

This should only be sampled among a large group of friends so that everyone gets a smallish taste, and can all agree on how sad this brew is…don't make my mistake and try to tackle it on your own.