This is one of those beers. I was lucky enough to have a crowler socked away by a certain friend at the brewery, and picked it up a few weeks ago. There are no more to be had. You may not be able to go there, or anywhere else, and find it, and drink, but at least you'll come away with a different understanding of one of my favorite little breweries and perhaps make the trek to Somerset, and you'll become an acolyte of Oliphant, like me.
And that's cool with me. So, on to it:
Oliphant Just Horseplay Barrel-aged Russian Imperial Stout. 10% ABV. Ale aged in Woodford Reserve bourbon barrels. Brewed by Oliphant Brewing, Somerset, WI.
The label is a contour line poem by Jeremy Hughes, depicting the horseplay from the title, between Matt and Josh one day. Or was it night? Or morning? Did Josh really pin Matt to the ground and release his soul? That's what Jeremy seems to be saying, and no one else was there.
Utter blackness, perfectly opaque, rich ring of brown foam above. Beautiful.
In the nose: Big & Rich, deep and delightful. All sorts of dark associations creep in: chocolate, molasses, brown sugar, coffee, and more. Dark rum. Whiskey.
In the mouth: A lot of sweetness, a ton of malt, full and rich. Ah, mmm, yum. Heavy-bodied, and fully mouthfeeled. Viscous, thick, slick, sticky. A cosmic ton of luxurious deliciousness.
This was an I'm taking my time with this and definitely sleeping in tomorrow, AKA later this morning, or maybe afternoon, kind of beer. The kind of beer that makes you ponder. Ponder what? Ponder lots. Just lean back and ponder the day away. What were we pondering about? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? How many roads must a man walk down before he gets to the other side? Who put the boom in the boom sh-boom sh-bop? Who knows, ponder some more.
story: mattwallace
art: jeremy hughes
while josh tries to slot the keycard into the lock, matt startle-jumps him into the door -- his perfect hands are crushed! mangled!
beyond-belief!
screaming, his eyes wild and hoggish, then snorting, his jaws locked and boarish, josh torques his body to face matt. his legs were still facing the door! and josh one-hand grabs matt under his armpit and pitched him into the room over his body.
pink balloon lettering formed the onomatopoeia "aieieeeeeee!!" in the air following matt's thrown body.
fat globs of sweat streak from josh's pores as he stomps into the hotel room that has become filled with a red, pounding mist. it oozed from the doorway and into the hall over my shoes.
matt's body contorts between the bed and the floor with a leg akimbo in the air and both arms pretzel-twisted somewhere near his torso.
the mist laps a gentle shore over matt's body; josh is pleased and i saw him rub his mangled hands together like a chunky preying mantis.
using his red-headed stephen king powers, josh picks matt up using only his mind and the muscles in his arms and legs and back. "it's a choke slam! it's gonna i'm choke slammin' you now! now!?" and grasping matt's throat and underjaw he lifts him, with some effort, and gravity -slams him forcibly onto the bed.
panting, with one eye larger than the other, josh towers over matt and rains down a steady beating of passive-aggressive "sorrys" and "i'msosorries!" with each blast blood spurts, matt's face is pulped burger -- i saw 30 gallons of blood ejaculated out of his mouth! it broke the hotel window!
i thundered by josh and yell "what's the meaning of this!?this!?thisthisthisthis" and i can visibly see the words echo into their ears.
shrugging matt and josh looked at me and responded, "it's just horseplay!"
...just "beyond belief," is what i thought.
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