Corona Premier

Corona Premier. Brewed and bottled by Cerveceria Modelo Mexico. 4.1 % ABV. 7 IBU.

I was told that this is lighter than Corona Light. Well, that sealed the deal. Give me a bottle, please!

(Perhaps I'm taking a facetious tone. I might need to remind some of my goal to try all types and styles, brands and trends. I don't want to pay for every one of them, so if a sample comes my way, it will find a spot here in the Nib.)

Clear, pale golden hue, not a head to speak of.

In the nose: Sad, sick, disappointing. Vegetal. Mineral. Dull and dead. Nobody's wafting the aroma about, though.

In the mouth: Wet. Light. Containing no flavor at all. Slightly alcoholic water and nothing but. No joy, no thrill, nothing. Slight cereal/malt, maybe. Grainy, gritty, but ...blah. "Higher expectations"? What the Hell are they talking about? Is this some Bizarro world, where nothing is something? Gimme a break!

Blah!

Blech!

Blourgh!!!


Lower carbs. Lower calories. Higher expectations.

Cucapa Green Gard Barley-wine

Cerveza Cucapa Green Card Barley-wine. "The Best Rated Mexican Craft Beer." Product of Mexico. Brewed and bottled by Cerverceria de Baja California. 10% alcohol by volume.

Dark garnet hue, slim but staying cap of white foam.

Aroma: deep malt, rich, dark fruit.

Taste: plump with fruit and very tasty. Medium-bodied, short finish. Just enough hops in here to make an impression. But not enough of everything else to be a memorable brew. I keep up high hopes, try to be objective, …and it fell short. Had promise from the start, but it falls flat, and fails to deliver.

Let's take a moment and read the label. You can read it however you like, but I will read it like a loud, boisterous, resonating Mexican radio announcer, a booming voice that is personified by a manly Mexican moustache: "Many people fight over prized possessions. The green card has for many years been what many people aspire to get. This is why we thought it would be appropriate to re-name our most prized beer. Brewed to a heavy 10% ABV, a viscous malty character and a hint of hops this beer is complex and life changing."

Viscous? Not really. Life changing? A stretch. Long stretch. Maybe it'll improve with time? As it is, not a bad beer,very nice in fact, but not a very good barley-wine. Still, probably the best Mexican beer I've had in a long time.

Cerveza Bohemia

A free sample from a distributor salesrep. Pretty sure I wouldn't pick this up on my own, and no one's asked for it on the Latin Nights. Notes, ahoy!


Bohemia Cerveza, Hecho en Mexico, brewed and bottled by Cerveceria Cuauhtemoc Moctezuma, …and more stuff in Spanish.

Clear, pale yellow coloring, large, lasting white head.

Aroma: faint aromatics, cereal grains, small hops, lean malt. Inoffensive, but not particularly pleasant.

Taste: A little buzz of hops jumps on the palate for a second, then departs. A sliver of malt flavor visits the tongue, then fades. Not a bad flavor, but mostly missing. Small touch of sweetness initially, rides off, then disappears with everything else.

Here we have a Mexican lager that doesn't exactly suck. For what that's worth.

Cerveza Tecate

I'm going all-out, doing two in a row, filling out the three I've previously reviewed. The next two, I've got to put my thinking cap on for, and I don't feel like doing that tonight. This one was specifically asked for by the promoter of the Latin Night, and we sold probably two. Oh, well, if we keep this up for another 23 events, we'll unload them all, right?

I'd like to share these notes, from January, 2009, for I am especially proud of this ramble that fills a lot of space while avoiding talking about the beer, about which there is very little to say. Notes, away!

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I am in possession of a can of Tecate, because I bought some for my bar for a new Latin night on Sundays. Although, actually, the Ecuadorans who are promoting it only told me to make sure I had bottles of Modelo (and, oddly, the main promoter did most of the drinking. Sold lots of Heineken.) and Corona. They never asked me to get Tecate.

So, what possessed me? I think I may have been influenced by the great scene in Hellboy 2, when Red and Abe get drunk on this beer, whine about women, and sing along to Barry Manilow. I used to love Barry Manilow, back when I was a teen. Why? Obviously, I wasn't very cool. I was into oldies and easy listening...not a rocker by a stretch. Maybe influenced by my girlfriend of the time. I was a sponge. Lord knows, I had no good music influences in my life at the time, that would come later.

Actually, I was a jazz guy in waiting. Loved anything that came close to it on the radio. Adored that Sonny Rollins sax solo on "Waiting on a Friend" by the Rolling Stones before I ever knew who he was...but I grew up in the suburbs! It took until senior year until I came close to knowing jazz, discovering KBEM 88.5 FM, finding some Miles Davis albums in the library.
 But, actually, Barry got me closer, can you believe it? In 1984, he made an album called "2 a.m. Paradise Cafe", with such luminaries as Sarah Vaughan, Mel Torme, Shelly Manne, and Gerry Mulligan. Of course, I had no idea who they were at the time, but it was a great record. A lyric by Johnny Mercer was given music by Manilow and turned into "When October Goes", which existed as a theme song in my sentimental heart for a while. I loved that record as a weird, nerdy 16 year old.

A few years later, I took that record to a Manilow signing at a Minneapolis record store, with my funk-loving best friend. We were the only males who weren't wearing store tags. Now, that I'm feeling nostalgic for that record, I'm going to have to have to start scouring the used LP shops of the Twin Cities...why did I ever sell my signed Barry Manilow album...the only really good record he ever made?

Oh, but about Tecate!

yellow. clear. foam, white, .... smelly.. .corn... ew! not good...
Taste: not much...no flavor...nope...blah! Yuh! Yick.
Pretty not much. Huh...I'm yearning to switch this for a real beer...ah, real beer...I just can't LIVE! Without You!

Grupo Modelo Corona Extra

Against my better judgement, the parade of Mexican beers continues. To make things fair, I tell you what, I'll find some good Mexican beers after we wade through these. #2, Corona, with notes from May, 2003, ...and nine years later, I haven't changed my opinion much. But I have learned that, yes, those pieces of fruit make all the difference.

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I swore that I wouldn't review any crap that I knew to be crap unless a sample was provided gratis, and guess what? Providence provides.
I will begin my scrutiny by violating several rules of the sacred canon of Corona consumption: 1: I pour the "beer" from the bottle into a glass, 2: WITHOUT ANY LIME! And so...

appearance: totally transparent, color matching that of a very pale urine sample, head exists, is frothy and white (has anyone, ever, conceived of Corona's head?).

Aroma: stinky, skunky, suggesting nothing beyond the liquid leavings of sick, sad, rabid animals. Foul, rancid, polluted, poisonous.

Now to drink: harsh, sour, cornish, wince-inducing, not-the-least-bit-good. Possesses none, absolutely not a one of the qualities we would want to find in ANY beer...body, character, finish (oh, no!), hops, malt, texture, flavor, ad infinitum...but wait, I didn't give it the benefit of the doubt, employing the preferred method, inclusion of lime...why, I have some wedges right here!
Mmmmm!!!! Limey! Yep, you can really taste the lime, oboy! Boy, I can drink a million of 'em now! Ahhhh! Give me a bucket of Coronas, some limes, the beach, and volleyball, ..and then kill me...
This is the best selling imported beer in America. Have mercy on us all.
(I wish there were negative points available. One star seems too charitable.)

Wait, did I get this wrong?It's a lemon, right? No, a pearl onion...a watermelon slice....a cherry tomato?

Cerveza Modelo Especial

Why am I drinking Modelo? There's plenty of reasons, and you can guess all day, but I'll go ahead and spill. Another Latin Night at the Blue Nile. They love this stuff. And I'm looking back on notes written in January, 2009, the last time we had a Latin night. Here's what I said then:

Into my finest chalice, I discharge the contents of the bottle...etc., etc., blah, blah...

Clear, pale yellow, rudimentary rings of suds above.

Smell... like beer. A little dry. Rather plain. Insipid.

Drink it: ...wetness, then dry. Perfect lack of flavor. It's there and it's gone, and it leaves nothing behind.
But, it isn't horrible or offensive.... just completely lacks taste.

There's worse things you can toss past your throat. But I don't recommend them.

These notes were from a bottle, I don't think there's a dramatic difference from the can.