Surreal Brewing Company Natural Bridges Kolsch

Surreal Brewing Company Natural Bridges Kolsch.
o.5 % ABV. Surreal Brewing, Campbell, CA.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that surrealism is my favorite art movement. After all, the main image at the top of this page was lifted from Rene Magritte, a longtime inspiration to me. (Not that I've ever learned to paint as well as him.) Dali, Miro, Ernst, Tanning, Tanguy, Duchamp, DeChirico, Picasso, Picabia, Rousseau....I love them all.

So, I would hope that a brewing company that names itself after surrealism would be one that I can get behind. Unfortunately, two of the three non-alcohol brews I've tried from them were horrible, and the third roundly disappointing.

At last, the fourth sample: will this one redeem Surreal?

Clear, bright golden, slim white head.

In the nose: Slightly sweet, cereal, whiff of fruit, and ominous portent of more...

In the mouth: Ah! Argh! Metallic, flat, lifeless....it's like my palate dropped off a cliff, never to return. Zero taste and flavor. Nothing at all resembling a kolsch. Ew. Awful. Unpleasant. Spirit destroying.

Drain pouring this and moving on. Heed my warning, one and all.

Surreal Brewing 17 Mile Porter (N/A)

Surreal Brewing 17 Mile Porter.
o.35 % ABV. Crafted and distributed by Surreal Brewing, Campbell, CA.

A while back, I received four samples from this non-alcoholic brewery. They were terrible. Two more to go. Because I have to. This is my promise, this is my quest.

And, who know, maybe this is the one that doesn't suck?

Dark brown, caramel-y colored, tight cocoa-tinted ring of foam above.

In the nose: dusted baker's chocolate...malty...eh...

In the mouth: here we go...and, thud. Just nothing. Joyless. Merest flavor. But, yet, not terrible. Not yet. I could drink this if I were forced to....and yet, I am not, so down the drain it goes. I can't waste time and bladder space on "beers" I just don't enjoy. And, still, I can't really recommend it. Although, why not? It's not awful, but it doesn't supply the pleasures a good porter should. Maybe this is as good as an N/A porter can be? Who can say, I've never had another.

Here are some words from the brewery about it:

17 Mile Porter is complex and delicious. Notes of dark chocolate and roasted coffee are well balanced by earthy hops. It delights the senses with it's deep aroma and pours black with a tan head. 

Pairings: It pairs well with hearty stews, grilled meats, and desserts. Perfect for outdoor adventure during Fall, Winter, Spring, and Summer;) 

The artwork on our 17 Mile Porter features the famous Lone Cypress tree which can be found along the California Pacific Coast Highway near Monterey. 

It goes especially well anytime you need a refreshing adult beverage without strings attached.

Surreal N/A Juicy Mavs Hazy IPA

Surreal N/A Juicy Mavs Hazy IPA. "A brew for the limitless you!"
0.5 % ABV. Surreal Brewing, Campbell, CA.


So, it's an N/A hazy juicy IPA, and the last sample I tried was offensive. How will we do this time?

Hazy, sure, dull golden color, slim white head.

In the nose: Hoppy. Citrus and tropical. Not bad, so far.

In the mouth: Oh, no, not again. Cardboard. Pennies. Garbage. Yuck. Flat. Dull. Drab. Lifeless. And, I know this is not a technical term, again: Yuck. Oh, and a touch of coconut.

Another drain pour. Yikes. Two more to go with this brewery. Are any of them any good?
We shall see.

This Hazy IPA bursts with tropical fruit and citrus character, accentuated by fruity yeast esters & a subtle, clean malt finish.

Surreal N/A Chandelier Red IPA

Surreal N/A Chandelier Red IPA.
0.4 % ABV. 48 IBU. "Only 33 calories! 0 g Sugar!"
Crafted and distributed by Surreal Brewing, Campbell, CA.

So, I got some samples of a new N/A brewery that has entered our market, and vowed to try them out. Here are the notes on the first of the four.

Opaque, reddish brown color, long-lasting beige-ish head.

In the nose: Fruity, malty, herbal. Slight hops. Eh.

In the mouth: Oh, boy. Some hops, mostly malt, but not good. This does not work as a beer, N/A or otherwise. Flat, metallic, whatever flavors there might be do not in any way hang together as a whole. And they are also not good flavors. Flat-out terrible. An unpleasant mess. God awful. Blech. Drainpour.

Warning: Do not go near.

Chandelier Red IPA has refreshing notes of peach and mango that are well-balanced by a caramel malt backbone. It pours a crimson red with a light tan head. Triple hopped with a six malt blend, this brew has a complex character that finishes crisp and dry. It pairs well with fish tacos, grilled burgers, and spicy eats.

Much of the above is lies. It pairs well with nausea and despair.