Fulton Hard Seltzers: Berry, Lemon Lime, Grapefruit and Blood Orange

Fulton Hard Seltzers.

Fulton has Hard Seltzers. Four of them. And I'm drinking them. They're all 5% ABV and they're alcoholic carbonated water with fruit flavors added. And that's a thing that people do today.

The first I'm trying is Lemon Lime. It tastes like lemon and  lime. It's carbonated and alcoholic. Like water + booze + fruit flavor. End of story.

And look here, it's a Berry! It's Berry...and...straw....rasp....black...all the berries. It's the berries!

Next: Grapefruit. It's grapefruit. But not much. Some. But, eh, who cares. There's a hint of flavor, but maybe a hint is enough, in this case. hell, I don't know. People will swallow any of this shit, apparently. It's....not great.

On to Number 4: Best of the bunch, apparently. Blood Orange. Everything is better with blood orange in it. And this has plenty. Mmm, bloody and orangey and so much more! Well, not much more. But Blood Orange makes everything alright. Right?

What's my assessment in the end? Huh. I dunno. I can't tell a good hard seltzer from a bad one. Can there be a bad one? What makes a good one good? What level of cicerone do you have to be to know this stuff? I'm stumped.

All I know is that they are not intended for yours, truly, that is a fact. I like beer. It makes me a jolly good fellow. These just get me drunk. They don't necessarily make me happy.